Late

The senior management “At the Center with Freddie and Benny” regrets the late appearance of the blog. We were delayed because… um

...we were abducted by aliens who realized that tuxedo cats were the most intelligent life-forms on the planet and wanted us to mediate intergalactic peace efforts and the flying saucer just dropped us off.

No, no, no too crazy. Well, not the ‘most intelligent life-forms’ part. But humans don’t like to be reminded.

…we were trapped in a helium balloon shaped like a flying saucer and went careening across the Midwest.

Been done. Something more local, maybe.

We were hiking on the Appalachian Trail without telling anyone, especially our nearest and dearest, where we are.

Sounds fishy. And not in a delicious way.

…Freddie invaded Rockingham County where the natives hailed him as a god and he could only tear himself away by swearing, paw-on-heart, to return.

Possible.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh, hi, Benny. I’m just coming up with a plausible explanation for why our blog is late.”

“Late? Our blog was late? Oh no! It’s a disaster! Call the board! Send all the volunteers to Siberia for cultural reprogramming!”

“I don’t think it’s really any big deal. We say we’re sorry and move on.”

“I don’t think so, Freddie. There’ll be hearings. We may have to resign. Our carriers are in ruins! Oh! I’m panting.”

“Here, use this paper bag!”

“Thanks!”

“I meant to breathe into, not to play with. Oh well, whatever works. Feel better?”

“Yeah. Thanks! Hey, why don’t we tell the truth? Our typist is a bit of a flake.”

“We could, I ‘spose. Honesty being the better part of not having to remember what you said later and all that. There’s just one problem.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“We’d have to get her to type it.”

I heart NY

On what seems to be one of a series of gray Tuesdays, my esteemed colleague Benny and I were having a wash and a nap. Truth be told, we were feeling a little forlorn. Much as we loved living with Ashton, we felt stranded between our customary place at the thick of the Cat’s Cradle Adoption Center and the certainty of a forever home. We lacked the certainty of one and the excitement of the other.

“And nobody had cc’d me on the most recent fiscal report. I don’t even know which grants are due when.”

“Yes well, excitement is in the eye of the beholder.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Not a thing, Benny. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“I’m not happy. That’s my point. I’m out of the loop.”

“Which was my point.”

“Which you weren’t making.”

“Life is short and art is…”

“Not as interesting as spreadsheets.”

“If you say so.”

“Don’t look at me like… what’s that noise?”

“Just the mail. It’s never for us. Ashton says it’s because we’re cats.”

“She’s right. Most cats trade e-mails. It’s hard to hold a pen, even with both paws.”

“Hey Freddie, I know some cats who took the trouble to hold a pen. We have mail!”

“Oooh! From who?”

“Remember Minnie, Merlin and Boo?”

“The black kittens who our volunteers…”

“Transported to the North Shore Animal Rescue League on Long Island- a group which practices Cat’s Cradle’s compassionate approach to ending pet overpopulation and has demonstrated marked success in the vast area surrounding…”

“New York City! Benny, we got a postcard from New York City!”

“Yes, well as I was saying.”

“Oh, put a paw over it. Listen”

Dear Freddie and Benny

We arrived safe and sound. Speaking of sound, you wouldn’t believe the noise here. Merlin hid in his cage for two days! But it didn’t matter because we all got forever homes! And Minnie is auditioning for Cats.

Love,
The Kittens


“Feeling less out of the loop, Freddie?”

“I love New York!”