The Purrfect Costume

It was a dark and stormy night…

“No it wasn’t. I mean, it was dark, but it’s always dark at night. That’s why it’s called ‘night.’ You don’t have to say it. It’s implied. If it’s a dark lunchtime, now that’s worth mentioning.”

“Benny, hush!”

“Also, it wasn’t stormy. It may have drizzled a little. But stormy?”

“Benny! This is the Halloween blog entry. By international statute, all Halloween blogs begin ‘It was a dark and stormy night.’ Even at the South Pole where there are only about six hours of darkness this time of year, all the cats begin their Halloween blogs that way.”

“Oh. Sorry. Go on.”

It was a dark and stormy night when Benny and I began to feel of the call of darkness. Wisps of fog trailed across the Shenandoah Valley as two intrepid cats streaked through the night searching, always searching for that ineffable something that comes of mystery…

“We were looking for Halloween costumes!”

Well, yes, we were looking for the ineffable mystery that comes of disguise. For Halloween we would be transformed, transfigured. Would the effect be wonderful or terror beyond telling? Who could tell?

“There’s this shop on just off of 81 and they kind of don’t know cats can sneak right in through an old air vent after they close.”

“Um, Benny, perhaps we’d better not mention that part. Er… …too many details… detract from the um… and our legal team did say…”

“Is there something in your eye? Oh, right… …you’re winking. Legal team. Gotcha.”

When we reached the site of transformation many strange and wonderful things began to occur. Our killer instincts reared there heads.

“I dressed up as a mouse and Freddy tried to hunt me.”

We came close to flight.

“Freddie dressed up as an angel with wings and everything, but he tripped when his halo slipped down over one eye.”

Yet nothing seemed to suit each turn of our delicately calibrated psyches.

“Or fit. These were human costumes.”

Then it struck us: What inspires awe? Brings Love? We knew what we would become. Nay! What we were.

“For Halloween, Freddie and I will be dressed as tuxedo cats.”

And it will be a dark and stormy night.

A (very) Little Help from My Friends

No matter how dedicated one might be, the running of an organization such as Cat’s Cradle can sometimes leave one feeling like she’s at the bottom of a dog-pile of work. Such was the case this month with Cat’s Cradle director Josie.

“Benny, you’re going to have to give me a few days,” she sighed when I called to see if she’d broken down Cat’s Cradle’s budget by foster family, kitten, and phase of the moon the way I recommended. “I just have too much on my plate.”

“Ooh! Like tuna fish? Maybe I can help.”

“Too much to do, Benny. Work. Not food.”

“No tuna?

“No.”

“Well you don’t have to sound so grumpy about it.”

“Sorry, Benny. It’s just that we’ve had the auction last weekend, and we re-opened the Adoption Center, and I had a huge grant to write. And well, I’m tired. And…”

“And?”

“Well, you always call at 3 a.m.. Humans aren’t nocturnal, Benny.”

“That explains why you never take naps in the kitty gym at the Adoption Center. You sleep at night!”

“I try to.”

“What’s that noise?”

“My husband. He wants to know who I’m whispering to at three in the morning.”

“Oh, tell him it’s Benny, one of the cats, and say hi for me.”

She sighed again. “I’ll do that.”

After we hung up, I apprised Freddie of the situation. He cocked his head in concern. “Gee, that’s too bad.”

“I couldn’t agree more. We should help.”

“I know! We could take over the newsletter. You know, What’s up, Pussy Cat. Write it for her.”

“Freddie, you’re a genius.”

“Too true, Benny. Too true. I see it now…”

“What?”

“Headlines, Benny Headlines: Cat Save’s Baby from Burning Building. Kitten Wins Snowboarding Championship at Massanutten. Freddie Crowned… Roommate Gives Freddie Weird Look. What’s wrong?”

“The stories in the newsletter are supposed to be true.”

“All of them?”

“’Fraid so.”

Sold!

In retrospect, I should have realized getting Freddie more involved in Cat’s Cradle’s long-range strategy and fundraising operations was a bad idea. But I didn’t. As they say, live, learn and calm your overly drama-prone roommate down. In my defense, all I did was show him a flyer which Cat’s Cradle is having an auction on October 19th.

“Benny!” he cried, dropping the flyer in the water bowl, “they can’t do this!”

“Now Ashton’s going to have to clean up after you,” I chastised. “Anyway, do what? Sell baked goods? Just because humans have this strange preference for chocolate over tuna fish doesn’t mean selling them unappetizing foodstuff is wrong.”

“Oh Benny, you’re so naive! Foodstuffs, indeed. It’s obvious the humans have caved in to temptation.”

“Would you either stop ranting or make sense? Both if you can manage it.”

“It’s obvious. What’s the most valuable thing they have?”

“Ooh! Did they get new digital scales to weigh kittens?”

“No, dolt! Us. Cats! Tuxedo cats in particular. They’re going to raffle us to the highest bidder! No adoption contracts! No background checks! They must be stopped! I’m sending e-mail to PETA!”

“I think somebody better lay off the catnip. I mean talk about paranoia!”

“Paranoia? Look at this flyer! There’s a picture of two black cats right by the list of stuff for sale.”

“You mean Cat’s Cradle’s logo above the list and to the left of it?”

“Oh. Logo. I knew that.”

“Of course you did. ’Oh’ is right.”

“Um, Benny? When we get back to the shelter, would you mind not mentioning this little misunderstanding to Josie?”

“No problem, Freddie.”

“Should I read the board minutes now?”

“Really, Freddie, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

A Friend in Need

So there I was, having a nap on the bottom of the kitty gym, when the mewing of a distinctly distraught roommate called me back from sleep. I was not entirely surprised. Benny had just come back from the vet, which is enough to tweak anyone’s whiskers. Yet the degree of distress seemed to indicate a difficulty beyond annoyance. Besides, he was muttering.


“Lost! Alone! Oh no. Oh dear.”


“Benny, what’s wrong?”


“Freddie! Oh let me look at you one last time. I don’t know if I can stand it!”


“What? Stand what?”


“The vet said I have a skin condition and I need to go stay with some humans for a week or so while it’s treated!”


“Well that’s not so bad. I did the same when I had that cold. They were lovely. Not that I didn’t miss you,” I added quickly.


“But Freddie, I’m not brave with people like you are. And I don’t think they have other cats!”


“Do you want me to come with you?”


“You’d do that for me. Really?”


“Really. Just let me talk to the director.”


I snuck into the back room at the adoption center and sat down on Josie’s keyboard so she would notice I had something on my mind.


“Freddie,” she said, “how’d you get back here?”


“Paws. Listen, you can’t just ship Benny out. He’s not as intrepid as some of us. He can’t go alone. Send me too.”


“That’s sweet of you, but you’d have to have baths and medication so you didn’t contract his condition.”


I gulped. “I can do baths.”


“You’re a brave cat, Freddie. Let me just e-mail Ashton and make sure she has room for two.”


“Ashton? The JMU student? This is going to work out just fine.”